Paper 1 Question 5: Descriptive Writing Model Answer (AQA GCSE English Language): Revision Note
Exam code: 8700
On this page we’ve included a fully annotated sample answer to a real past paper Question 5 from Paper 1 of the AQA English Language GCSE. Underneath the example answer, we show you how to structure a full-mark answer, and include some expert tips on how to get to that top grade.
Paper 1 Question 5 Grade 9 model answer
If you want to achieve a Grade 9, you should be aiming for a Level 4 across two assessment objectives: AO5 and AO6. Here is a past paper question and an example of a full-length Level 4 model answer.
Worked Example
Describe a market place as suggested by this picture.
[24 marks for content and organisation
16 marks for technical accuracy]
[Total: 40 marks]
Answer
The Market
The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated shoppers angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers. Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers.
A large, pink animal carcass hung by a hook, while the butcher sawed and hacked at the flesh, sweat already dripping from his brow. Occasionally, he would swat at the flies hovering around the meat with his blade, slicing through the air with a flash of steel. Even though the meat was fresh, the faint stench of death hung like the carcasses themselves from the hooks.
It was as though all of the smells in the world had come to a reunion.
Sweaty buyers skilfully wove their way through the crush by locating minute gaps between people and squeezing through. Pickpockets hopped like rabbits in a carrot field; they munched the purses out of the many pockets of innocent buyers too busy bargaining. Experienced visitors wore tight pants for the same reason. And a helpless woman fumbled through the scores of bags she carried and tried to tick on a list with a pen clenched between her teeth.
As the sun warmed, the stuffy, stinking air filled with sweat and rotting fish intensified. No air freshener could have defeated the sour, rancid smell which ruled over the cramped stalls. Only a single woman in a pristine white dress seemed immune from the stench. As she wove her way through the crowd, her perfume lingered and stretched its fingers tentatively into the atmosphere, only to be swiftly overwhelmed.
As the afternoon flamed the market, an exhaustion and breathlessness silently took over the first time visitors, but the everyday buyers proudly held on against the torture and kept shopping. The crash of sounds became more muted as the afternoon heat and haze blanketed the stalls as though trying to dampen the market down. The arguments over prices turned lazy, the vendors sensing defeat.
Why would this story achieve top marks?
The answer convincingly matches the required purpose and audience:
It only focuses on one scene, but explores this setting over a wide timeframe
Sustained crafting:
It is very clearly planned; its structure is easy to follow yet sophisticated
Sentences are varied throughout for effect
A wide range of ambitious vocabulary and punctuation is used throughout:
These choices are accurately used and always add meaning or impact
A range of linguistic devices are confidently used for effect:
Imagery, personification and figurative language are used to convey feelings or atmosphere
Writing a GCSE English Language description
For top marks, you’ll need to carefully consider:
Your tone:
This is the sound of the narrator’s “voice”
It should be appropriate and convincing
The register:
This the type of vocabulary and phrasing you use
This should be suitable for the purpose
The style of the writing:
The sentence structure and overall structure
This should be dynamic and engaging
The form of your descriptive writing:
This is the structure or template of your writing
This should be simple and achievable in the short time you have to write
Tone
In descriptive writing your sentences should reflect the atmosphere you want to create. For example, if the scene is mysterious and frightening, your sentences should reflect this suspenseful mood.
In order to craft a tone in keeping with the mood of your description, consider how you can use sentence lengths and types:
Sentence length | Possible effect | Example |
|---|---|---|
Short sentences | Tension and unease | No sound could be heard. |
Longer sentences/listing | A sense of being overwhelmed, or of abundance | The market was laden with apples, grapes, oranges, loaves of bread, chunks of cheese and every type of vegetable one could imagine. |
Style and register
The style of your description is closely related to the language you use. In a descriptive writing response, the best answers show evidence of careful word choice and linguistic techniques.
The best descriptive writing helps the reader to visualise the person, place, or situation being described. The best way to do this is to:
Use vocabulary which is useful to the reader:
For example, describing something as “great” or “amazing” is telling rather than showing
Use sensory language to bring the scene to life:
Think about sights, textures and sounds
For example, a deserted park at night requires a completely different description from a busy park during the daytime
Emphasise key ideas or impressions using language techniques and imagery:
For example, you could use a simile to create associations about size or colour
Personification is a useful technique when describing weather or objects
Vary your sentence types and lengths for effect:
This is another way to emphasise key ideas or reflect a mood
Ensure you describe the important details:
For example, you do not need to describe every inch of a person or scene bit by bit, but instead focus on key, interesting features that develops the story or the sense of character
Form
In order to adhere to the conventions of descriptive writing, it is best to:
Plan your writing in an order which “moves” through the scene:
You do not need to use the picture if you are given one
It is best to use your imagination and describe this scene as it would appear in real life
Descriptive writing does not provide background information or develop character interaction:
You are not writing a story
When describing people, focus on relevant details only:
You could focus on their body language or movements
Sounds can be effective in crafting the mood, e.g. “shouts and shrieks”
It is effective to use colour imagery and repeat this throughout your response
Consider picking a key detail:
For example, the people could be wearing colourful hats
By describing the hats, it is not necessary to describe the coats or shoes or trousers
Examiner Tips and Tricks
Descriptive writing is observational writing. This means the narrator does not interact and a character is not crafted.
Descriptive writing is like imagining you are behind the lens of a camera. However, this does not mean the scene you are describing is static; it is important to note the movements and action you “witness”.
Structuring your description
The mark scheme rewards original ideas, but the most successful answers are those which develop an idea effectively and engage the reader in a compelling and dynamic description. The best way to do this is to make an effective plan.
You should spend about 10 minutes planning your answer. Once you have settled on a basic understanding of what you want to describe, you can begin to think about how you will order your ideas.
Using the picture prompt
As part of the question, you may get an image to work from. You may choose to use this image, or not. If you do:
Annotate it and circle the details you will zoom in on
Don’t describe the picture in as much intricate detail as possible
Consider the scene in “real life”:
Use language to bring the scene alive by adding imaginative details
Examiner Tips and Tricks
Add your own sensory descriptions as suggested by the picture. For example, you can describe imagined movements and actions of people in the scene using interesting verbs and adverbs.
It is a good idea to describe the sounds and the weather too, by using language techniques such as personification and onomatopoeia.
You should aim to write five to six linked paragraphs. Better answers vary the lengths of their paragraphs for effect. What is important is to develop separate ideas or points in each paragraph and avoid repeating the same descriptions throughout your response.
An example of the way you could structure your response would be:
Descriptive writing form | |
|---|---|
Panoramic |
|
Zoom |
|
Single line |
|
Shift |
|
Shift |
|
Panoramic |
|
Examiner Tips and Tricks
Keep using sensory language throughout, but adjust the focus and perspective as your paragraphs develop.
Make sure you include description of movement and description of sound to effectively craft a mood.
Putting your Question 5 ideas into a paragraph
Let’s look at how you might turn your ideas into paragraphs that hit the highest levels of the mark scheme for both assessment objectives (AOs) for this question.
The AOs are:
Name | Description | |
|---|---|---|
AO5 | Content and communication | Writing in a clear, creative and engaging way:
|
AO6 | Technical accuracy | Writing accurately:
|
The following is reflective of a full-mark answer for both AO5 and AO6. Below it, we’ve included an explanation of the types of things you need to include to reach this mark:
Worked Example
The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle.
The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated shoppers angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers.
Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers.
Point from the mark scheme | Method used and why it’s effective |
|---|---|
Creative and engaging ideas (AO5) | Personifying the market as an animal which roars suggests something loud and intimidating |
Matched to purpose (AO5) | The comparison of the people’s movements with “soldiers going to battle” fits with the mood of intimidation already established |
The adverb “angrily” contributes to the overall effect | |
Adjectives such as “frustrated” and “annoyed” emphasise the mood | |
Organised ideas (AO5) | The sounds of the market are developed with detail |
The verbs “yelled” and “argued” successfully create a mood with sensory language | |
Ambitious vocabulary (AO6) | The use of “deafening chaos” is a sophisticated description which effectively crafts a mood |
Sentences and punctuation for effect (AO6) | The short sentence “None of them had doors” emphasises the open nature of the market |
A list in the final, longer sentence creates a sense of being overwhelmed, which suggests panic and builds tension |
Learn more and test yourself
For more great tips and tricks, check out our student-friendly descriptive writing mark scheme.
You can also test yourself on Paper 1 Question 5 by building your writing skills with our Paper 1 Question 5 multiple-choice questions and by writing your own descriptive writing and getting it marked by Smart Mark, our AI model created by English Language experts.
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