Boys Don't Cry: Character Quotations (WJEC Eduqas GCSE English Literature): Revision Note

“up and out of here”

Dante sees university and academic success as a route away from home and into his new life

Identity and judgement

• Dante awaits his exam results and sees success as a chance to get away:

  • Dante has defined himself by his intelligence and wants to move forward with his life to the success he believes awaits him

• The home isn’t miserable, but it isn’t a life he really enjoys, and he wants to escape:

  • “out of here” suggests it is more of an escape than just leaving

• It is not just Dante who defines himself as intelligent; he is also seen as the smart, sensible one by his father:

  • This further ties intelligence and success to his identity, as it is how he is seen and celebrated

“total waste of space”

Dante is frustrated with his dad’s negativity, and makes a dramatic statement when arguing with him

Family

• The Bridgeman family finds it hard to be positive and supportive of each other:

  • They don’t typically show emotions and vulnerability

• Dante has felt Tyler’s bitterness throughout his upbringing, and resents him because of it:

  • He knows this is a harsh thing to say to him, but he is constantly annoyed at his father and wants him to feel his anger

• Tyler had to deal with becoming a parent long before he was ready, dropping his plans to make sure he was a present father, and then losing his wife and having to raise both boys alone:

  • He is likely lonely and depressed, especially as his boys grow up and grow away from him

• This is an indication of how bad their relationship is at this point:

  • A big part of the story is how the family relationships change and become healthy, loving and supportive

  • This quote is therefore is a good reminder of where they started, and why Dante is desperate to get away

“worry about Adam long distance”

Dante doesn’t want to face up to Adam’s sexuality and it will be easier to ignore when far away

Identity and judgement

• Dante does worry about Adam as an out homosexual man, but he really wants to be away from his feelings on it:

  • He doesn’t support his brother with his sexuality, calling it a “phase” and saying he would rather not talk about it

• By going far away, he will not see Adam and be reminded of his sexuality

• Dante would like to think he is accepting and supportive, but really he is homophobic and uncomfortable with Adam’s sexuality:

  • By wanting it to be kept private, and wanting to be away from it, he is showing his own prejudices

• Dante improves as a person in many ways across the book, but one part is recognising his homophobia and the power saying things like this has:

  • By the end, he is speaking to Adam for who he is, accepting him and not ashamed

“real men do”

Dante has realised there is nothing strong about not crying, and that real men are not scared of showing emotion

The weight of expectation

• Dante changes a lot as a person in the story, and this is another good example:

  • At the start, he refuses to cry as he sits alone with Emma, even though he wants to

  • By saying this towards the end of the story, we see the change in Dante and the dynamics of the family

• By the end of the novel, the Bridgeman family have opened up to each other, been vulnerable, shown love, and Dante is showing his vulnerability to Adam here to show him support and love whilst he is struggling:

  • With this emotional openness, they all come closer together

• The author shows us the power of accepting and offering support for others:

  • By showing love and support, it makes others feel comfortable sharing their problems and their love, too

• Both of the boys have been raised in a male-only household, and their father does not show emotional vulnerability readily:

  • This may be a symptom of growing up without their mother, as their memories of maternal love and comfort are distant

“you’re so lucky”

Adam thinks Dante lucky for having Emma, because he will always be loved

Family

• Adam is a bit jealous of Dante, even if he understands how difficult his situation is:

  • As a gay man, he does not necessarily expect to have children, and thinks Dante is lucky to have this in his life

• It also shows that they do not think of each other when thinking of unconditional love:

  • They have each other, a father, and at least one aunt, yet Adam does not think he is unconditionally loved

  • This could be due to their relationships lacking emotion, or it could be the feeling that his homosexuality is a reason his family might not love him, especially as they both show him a lack of support

• Adam also, at least at this point, has a much more positive mindset than Dante:

  • He sees the joy in this, a beautiful child and addition to the family

• The quote also shows the difference that not being completely responsible makes:

  • He has a little distance, as it is not his child, so he isn’t seeing a changed life or what Dante is losing, just the wonderful thing he, and they all, have gained

• Later, he reveals that he has not really been held with love since his mother passed:

  • They are all aching for her, but none of them talk about it, and this has left a hole in their lives in so many ways

“too talented to fail”

Adam has great self confidence and belief, and is happy with who he is 

Identity and judgement

• This is Adam at his finest, playfully assuring his family of his future plans, but also showing his confidence and the joy he feels in himself and in life:

  • He knows that he could fail, of course, but he chooses to see the positive

• This also highlights the playful, teasing nature of Adam:

  • He knows this will bother both Dante and his dad, but finds this funny

• Before he is consumed by worries about his sexuality, identity, and the trauma of his attack, we are shown Adam’s bright and fun personality: 

  • He is more than his sexuality, and a reminder that being gay is not his personality

• Adam is confident in who he is, which is also true of his sexuality:

  • The contrast with Josh is a very intentional choice from the author, reminding us how different people can feel about the same things

  • Adam is confident and in control, whereas Josh is ashamed and lost

“word worse than ‘doctor’”

Adam has lingering trauma from his mother’s illness and passing

Family

• This is something that is built from the trauma of remembering his mother’s final days, unhappy in a hospital that she couldn’t leave:

  • Not only do hospitals and doctors remind him of his grief and of death, he also remembers how unhappy she was at being kept in hospital when she knew she was dying

• It is likely that the majority of his memories of his mother would be when she was sick and/or in hospital:

  • Dante and his Dad think him too young to remember her, but he does, and he has visceral memories of that time

• He has developed a phobia of both, so doesn’t see doctors, go to hospital or even take medication unless he is forced to:

  • Dante and Tyler just think he has a phobia, and have not linked it to the trauma of his mother’s passing

  • This is another example of how being closed off emotionally has left the family adrift from each other

  • It shouldn’t take much for either to work out why Adam has these fears, but they do not talk about emotions or feelings, so nobody is comfortable to discuss it or find out

“gay isn’t just a phase”

Adam is repeating back to Dante a sentiment he had made many months before, at the start of the book, making a playful jibe at him

Identity and judgement

• Dante has, finally, shown the Adam the support he deserves about his sexuality:

  • He just recognises there is nothing wrong with being gay, and nothing to be ashamed of

• Adam has just revealed he had been dating Josh, and Dante is first shocked, and then angered by his rejection of his own sexuality:

  • Dante rants about how it is not a problem or an illness

  • Adam sees how Dante has changed, but shows the forgiving, loving and positive person he is by not reprimanding Dante for his past comments and behaviour; instead, he makes a playful joke

• Just this level of acceptance brings Adam’s real character out as he fights depression:

  • This suggests that the attitudes of his family members were a far bigger problem for him than he had let on

• This is also a great reflection of his character:

  • He is a positive and loving person, and his emotional intelligence shines through as he forgives the flaws of the people he loves

• His ability to forgive may also come from his desperate need for family:

  • Adam is the one who references his mother the most in the family, and feels a hole in his life from not having her around

  • There is a chance that hole could at least shrink from having his father and brother, and niece, close to him and showing love and affection

“managed to pass”

Tyler struggles to give praise to Dante, instead making unserious comments like this that Dante takes at face value

Family

• This is a big problem in their relationship:

  • Tyler is not open nor speaks with warmth, and Dante therefore takes comments such as these as serious

• In particular, this tone alienates Dante:

  • However, he does not realise this is his dad’s way of showing interest and finding out what is going on with his sons

• Tyler’s example has been taken on by the boys, who are not open with him or each other:

  • Their life as a family improves drastically once this attitude is challenged and they all learn to change how they speak to each other

• This probably comes from Tyler feeling his sons do not like him, so he has changed the way he speaks to them to shield his feelings:

  • There is a possibility that open and kinder communication is mocked and rejected by his teenage sons

• Tyler is also not exactly an energetic and cheerful person:

  • He has raised two sons alone after losing his wife to cancer, and now they are teenagers, which makes them harder to relate to in many ways

  • Adam is better at recognising what Tyler really means by what he says, but Dante always takes it confrontationally 

“aspire to something higher”

Tyler is angry at Dante after finding out about Emma, and frustrated at the change in his future

The weight of expectation

• Tyler is shocked and frustrated by the development, and annoyed at his son’s irresponsible behaviour

• What Dante doesn’t realise is that Tyler’s reaction comes from his father’s own frustrations with himself:

  • Tyler had an unplanned child, Dante, and gave up going to university and ideas of an ambitious career:

  • He sees this happening for Dante and is frustrated on two levels:

    • He’s frustrated for his son

    • He’s also annoyed that his son has opportunities he didn’t, and has lost them in the same way

• He is still holding bitterness about how his life turned developed

• This is also a sign of the pressure Dante feels, who is expected to go out and achieve as the “smart” one of the family:

  • If Dante sees his value to his dad as coming from his intelligence, he feels the weight of pressure now that he cannot be what his dad wanted

“important that you believe me”

Dante feels unloved and unwanted, and Tyler desperately wants him to know that neither is true

Responsibility

• Seeing that his son doesn’t feel loved, Tyler realises he has been leaving his boys without emotional support, and looks to rectify his mistake with Dante:

  • Whilst he isn’t emotionally forthcoming, he is a devoted father, and the second he truly sees and understands the issues Dante is having, Tyler changes because he understands his responsibility to his kids

  • This is an example of the great dad he really is, because he never shirks the responsibility of doing what his kids need

• He says it urgently, because he is scared of his son not feeling like his father loves him:

  • The situation they are in with Adam is more threatening and immediate, but Tyler still ensures he does the right thing by Dante there and then

“I’ll be there”

Dante calls Jackie after Adam’s overdose, scared and alone, and in need of support

Family

• Jackie is very important in bringing the Bridgeman family back together:

  • Here, she shows up when her nephew needs her, no questions asked, showing her devotion to them

  • It is her who makes both Tyler and Dante face the way they speak to each other, and also reminds them how much direct assurance and support can make a person feel better

• Her example is also very good:

  • She praises Dante for calling for help when he needed it, suggesting that is something men struggle with

  • She also dismisses his worries about his negative thoughts about Emma under stress

  • She reminds him that he only thought it, and didn’t act on it, which helps Dante to remember you are allowed to have weak moments and bad thoughts, as long as you make the right next decision

“The way your boys know it”

Jackie reminds Tyler that the way he bottles up and doesn’t express his love means not only was there a chance his wife didn’t know she was loved, the boys might not either

Family

• This is just before Dante overhears Jackie and Tyler talking about Tyler’s relationship with Jennie, Dante and Adam’s mother:

  • He worries that this shows he didn’t love his mum or him

• The strength Jackie shows to confront Tyler with hard truths eventually works:

  • Tyler argues, but when he sees how Dante reacts and hears how he feels, he realises that Jackie is right

• Jackie exposes both Dante and Tyler’s flawed thinking:

  • She is the only one who not only recognises their communication issues, but confronts them

• She is also speaking from experience, having seen how Tyler’s attitude to love made her sister feel:

  • She has then seen this happen as he raises two boys

  • She delivers these hard truths to shock Tyler into action and change

“You hate us…as much as I do”

Josh is confronting Dante’s homophobia exposing both that he is gay and that he hates himself

Identity and judgement

• The writer uses a colloquial term for homosexuality in a derogatory way to illustrate Josh’s character:

  • It is a sensitive term as, at the time the story is set, individuals would have experienced it as a slur

• Josh kisses Dante during their confrontation to prove to him that he is homophobic, too:

  • He then explains his thinking, and comes out to Dante in doing so

• Josh shows his self-hatred that explains his actions:

  • He cannot accept himself, but he also wants to expose Dante’s hypocrisy 

• This is Josh’s dilemma:

  • He has taken on homophobia from society and does not want to be gay, but he is

  • Because of this, he hates himself, hating both that he is gay and that he cannot accept his sexuality

• His use of a slur may highlight where this comes from:

  • He has clearly been around people who are homophobic and are comfortable using such words

  • This will come with hatred, so he has likely internalised homophobia before he even realised he was gay

• Josh wants to be happy, but cannot be if he hates himself

“I’ve lost them anyway”

Josh writes this in his letter to Adam, showing he has realised how silly his behaviour and shame was

The weight of expectation

• Josh has assumed that being gay will see him alienated, but finds out that his homophobic assault has done that anyway

• He has likely been around people who have shown hatred to gay people or about LGBTQ+ people in general, so it makes sense that he thinks they would hate him for being gay

• The hatred he fears, and then feels for himself, leaves him confused and alone, with nobody he loves for support:

  • He then pushes Adam away, losing a confidant who cared about his struggles and understood him

• With all this done, he sees the reality of his choices:

  • It shows that some men see violence as acceptable, but then view homosexuality as unacceptable

  • Flawed ideas of masculinity have led him to a conclusion that sees him going to jail

  • In the end, he does a lot of damage to his life fighting something he cannot stop or change anyway